I try to visit my best friend in Toronto on the partial-regular (aka when my bank account permits, or another friend driving down takes pity on me). This time round, the trip had a different feel and sentiment to it. There were no deadlines, no commitments to social events, sports games or wedding-specific tasks to take care of. For the first time in a while since she and her fiancé moved out of Ottawa, we have actually had time to enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of a deadline or departure. This turn of events couldn’t have appeared at a better time, for me and for her I feel. Both of us as of recently have been suffering from a case of the “lonely-s”. The “lonely-s” are a side effect of being separated from most of our friends and families, going through the ebbs and flows of life. In this specific case, the ebb. The arrival of “spring” here in Canada brought with it a change of circumstance, in particular a lot of them for me. A difference of opinion and need for personal space lead to my signing a lease, accepting my need to be selfish in a relationship lead to the dissolution of one that had potential, and lastly, a great opportunity career-wise turned out to not be the best fit. And so, the spring of 2013 brought me back to a very familiar place: square one. The only difference this time around is the location, Ottawa.
These reasons are more than likely why this venture to The Big Smoke ended up having more meaning and more necessity behind it than I initially thought. Thankfully, this trip provided a respite to take a beat, step back from every thought racing through my mind and assess my next plan of attack. In a way in which only she could, this process has been aided by delicious French food, champagne, macarons, sushi, and tonight, homemade pizza and tiramisu cupcakes. There is something mind-clearing to cooking and baking for me. Even if I am merely playing sous-chef, the act of focussing all of my energy into a tangible output calms me, focusses me, and gives me some brief peace of mind. (Double-edged life lesson right there, don’t you think?)
Alas, following a weekend of much needed family, friends, rest, and relaxation I head back to Ottawa with a heavy heart, and clear eyes. I firmly believe the next few months will shape the next phase of my life, for better or worse. It is only with this mindset that I can truly tackle the next steps in front of me these coming weeks. With this realization, and new-found clarity, I have no choice but to end this post with a little baking therapy, in the form of the Tiramisu Cupcakes my best friend churned out last night. I mean, you have to stop for the smallest pleasures in life. There are no better.