Plea to a Houseplant

I was recently turned toward this journal, 642 Things to Write About and found my creative juices rejuvenated for the first time in a while.  As a result, this little blog of mine is going to have a new shape and feel to it in the coming months.

Starting with today’s entry, my first in the journal. The topic chosen at random: “A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.” This is, oddly, the absolute best jumping-off point for me, creatively speaking. For as anyone who has ever had the pleasure of meeting me knows that I’m a killer. A cold-blooded shrubbery killer. There has never been a plant, or tree, or garden I have encountered that I have not managed to bring to the verge of death, or carry right over to Hades.

And so, I give you my plea to all houseplants.

Why do I need you to live? Because I really really need to stop being a murderer. A vicious, serial-plant-murderer. Honestly, unless you’re a cactus, there is little hope for you. And even then, let’s be real, I’ve offed a few of your brethren. You should be well aware that I cannot guarantee your well-being while in my presence, and for this I am dreadfully sorry. You didn’t know when you were given to me that you were approaching your certain death sooner than anticipated. Really, your life span with me as your guardian depends on your will to live, my leafy green friend. So, live! Choose life! Choose flourishing leaves and flowering petals! Fight the good fight, and persevere against all odds. Trust me, I will do everything right, and somehow, you will wilt, dry out, or worse, inexplicably drown. (I’m looking at you, mysterious 4-inch tropical, circa 2008). For once in my life, I’d like to know I didn’t assist in a plant-suicide, and that my mere presence does not want to make you keel over. I know I can do it. I just need a willing compatriot. So, plant life, bring me your tried and true warrior, and let us prove the nay-sayers wrong! Long live the perennial!

Death to Plant Life

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Plea to a Houseplant

  1. Haha. Ya I have a beautiful peace lily plant. It was blooming when I bought it and it was really doing well. Eventually of course the flowers fall. Apparently they are supposed to bloom again each year, but I continually kill it and revive it … it’s kind of like a form of torture for the poor thing 😦

  2. 3 things that kills plants the fastest:
    1) too much or too little water
    2) mineral build-up in soil (from tap-water…all that white calcium/lime deposit wreaks havoc on tropical plant roots)
    3) insufficient or too much light.
    Solution: water when soil starts to become dry — and only enough to evenly moisten the surface of the soil, use bottled water if your tap-water is hard, use an inexpensive light-meter app like MQ GreenThumb to help place your plants according to their light requirements.

  3. Pingback: The greatness of sandwiches | Lifestyles of the Canadian Female

  4. Pingback: Gelato can change your life | Lifestyles of the Canadian Female

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s